Metal Matt Fan Fic: The Peddler

[Metal Matt]

So I've come up with a new idea based on Spanky's favorite character. In this, loosely inspired by The Toxic Avenger, The Peddler from CP1 becomes a superhero and fights crime with his deadly supermarket buggy!

ACT I, PART I:

THE PEDDLER is sitting by a brick wall.

THE PEDDLER: God, this burger sucks. Well, I guess that's what I deserve for digging it out of the trash.

JEB: Hey, what's up?

THE PEDDLER: Hey, Jeb, what's up? Anything new on the market? I need to make some money.

JEB: Nothing right now. You know me, anything comes up, I'll be the first to notify you. How's the missus?

THE PEDDLER: She left me. Said I wasn't providing. Whatever. The street is the proper place to raise a baby.

JEB: Yeah, who wouldn't want to live here?

THE PEDDLER: Yeah, that's what I said!

Meanwhile, in a nearby toy store...

CHARLES LEE RAY: God, I'm dying. I gotta find something.

CHARLES says the chants, causing the toy store to explode.

THE PEDDLER: What was that?

JEB: Sounded like an explosion.

THE PEDDLER: Let's check it out.

They find several Good Guy dolls.

THE PEDDLER: Hey, these are all those Good Guy dolls everybody's talking about. Say, I have an idea.

A couple days later, KAREN BARCLAY and MAGGIE go to the alley to buy a Good Guy doll from the PEDDLER.

THE PEDDLER: Thanks for coming. May this bring joy to you and your kid.

MAGGIE: Hey, how do we know the thing isn't stolen?

THE PEDDLER: Eh, steal this.

MAGGIE: I think I used to date him.

THE PEDDLER: I think I used to her.

JEB: Really? Her?

THE PEDDLER: Hey, she's a hottie, that's for sure.

Several nights later, KAREN comes to THE PEDDLER, asking questions about the doll.

THE PEDDLER: No, you've got a lot....

MIKE comes and stops him. The PEDDLER and his friends leave.

JEB: Dude, that was actually pretty messed up.

THE PEDDLER: Dude, she's hot. I couldn't help myself.

JEB: True, but still, do the honorable thing, and take her out to Applebee's.

THE PEDDLER: APPLEBEES??

JEB: Or a similar restaurant!

THE PEDDLER: What is a vat of toxic waste doing here? Shouldn't it be at a Taco Bell or something?

JEB: Actually, it's for you.

JEB shoves THE PEDDLER into the vat, and leaves him to die.

JEB: I'm tired of this life, man. It's time to move on. And that starts with getting rid of you. Rest in pieces.

A couple of hours later, THE PEDDLER emerges, stronger and basked in a green glow.

THE PEDDLER: JEB... YOU'RE DEAD!

ACT I, PART II coming soon...

[Spanky]

Very interesting man, looking forward to more.

[Zephyr]

Awesome job Matt! I can not wait to read more!

[Metal Matt]

ACT I, PART II:

JEB enters the Gasworks, greeted by a legion of girls and several henchmen.

GIRLS: [simultaneously] Hi, Jeb!

JEB: Hi, girls!

BOB: Hey, Jeb, how's our favorite new gang member?

JEB: I'm doing quite well. But we need to do something to drive those Experience gang members out of this town.

BOB: Yeah, we're still trying to figure something out. Anyway, how's that Peddler fella?

JEB: Let's just put it this way: I have a feeling he won't be peddling much anymore.

BOB: Nice. It's about time you got rid of that loser.

JEB: Yeah, it's nobody that will be missed. It's time this town got a makeover. After all, we know that the Experience Gang won't do it.

BOB: Yeah, boss, they'll be dead by dinnertime.

JEB: Well, we need to work on a strategy.

BOB: Got it. Where do you think they would be?

JEB: Could be anywhere in this god forsaken city. Search everywhere. I know a few of their hideouts. Search long and hard. Because when we hit them, we hit them with a vengeance. And nobody will hit them before we do. You got that?

BOB: Yes, boss. I'm on my way to start my search.

Meanwhile, THE PEDDLER is going around town, searching for a weapon.

THE PEDDLER: If I'm going to get revenge on that backstabber Jeb, I'll need some time of weapon. This isn't my usual alley. Let me try the next one.

THE PEDDLER walks a couple of miles to his usual alley.

THE PEDDLER: Ah, here we go. But there's nothing here. There's nothing I can make out of this. Plus, my buggy is missing. Maybe I should give up.

METAL MATT: What kind of talk is that?

METAL MATT: Name's Metal Matt. I'm currently staking out this Experience Gang. You've seen any of them around?

THE PEDDLER: No, I haven't. I've got enough problems of my own.

METAL MATT: Tough luck. What's your problem?

THE PEDDLER: My friend tried to kill me, but then I became stronger than before, and now, I guess like you, I'm looking for revenge. Why are you staking out the Experience Gang, anyway?

METAL MATT: It's a long story, but I'll give you the short version. I was confronting my cheating harlot I used to call a girlfriend, and all of a sudden, this gang came in and killed me. But I was resurrected by my best friend Tiffany. And right now, we're hunting these guys down.

THE PEDDLER: So can you help me?

METAL MATT: Well, since these guys are taking their sweet time, I guess I have a few minutes. What kind of weapon are you looking for?

THE PEDDLER: Anything, really. But a buggy in particular.

METAL MATT: Well, that problem is easy to solve.

THE PEDDLER: Really?

METAL MATT: Sure. All you need to do is improvise. Find all types of weapons, and recycle them to make a new one. Like this. [pulls out a homemade buggy] It's all about being creative.

THE PEDDLER: Wow, this is awesome.

METAL MATT: There's also a machine gun installed into the bottom metal part. Not on the wheels, but just below the basket, you know what I'm talking about?  You getting all this?

THE PEDDLER: Yes, I'm very grateful. This is awesome.

METAL MATT: Glad you like it. Now if you excuse me, I need to meet up with Tiffany. Good luck with your revenge thing, man. See ya later.

THE PEDDLER: Yeah, man, see ya. Jeb's not gonna know what hit him...

ACT II, PART I coming soon...

[Spanky]

Nice job man, getting the whole "Hobo With a Shotgun" vibe from this.

[Metal Matt]

Yeah, that's definitely an inspiration.

[Metal Matt]

ACT II, PART I:

THE PEDDLER: Yes, I think this buggy will work out fine. Let's see how she handles.

The buggy shoots machine guns at boxes.

THE PEDDLER: Oh, yeah. Now we're getting somewhere.

Jeb's Gang members stroll by.

GANG MEMBER #1: So I said, "No way, man. Roger Rabbit was totally live action."

GANG MEMBER #2: Are you hearing yourself right now? Just shut up and focus. We're supposed to take out all of the hobos in these alleys. Let's just hurry up and get this over with.

THE PEDDLER: I gotta get out of here.

GANG MEMBER #2: Where are they?

GANG MEMBER #1: Maybe the Experience Gang got to them first.

GANG MEMBER #2: I don't think so. They don't have the testicular fortitude to mess around our turf.

GANG MEMBER #1: Well they could have. Especially after what happened.

GANG MEMBER #2: What happened?

GANG MEMBER #1: Some guy in a ribcage shirt and some chick in leather came and killed two of those gang members while they were burning down the school. Word is they're planning to take out the entire Experience Gang.

GANG MEMBER #2: Well, Jeb ain't gonna like that.

GANG MEMBER #1: Well, what are we gonna do? They could go after us and Jeb next!

GANG MEMBER #2: Pull yourself together, man, it isn't the end of the world. After we take care of these alleys, we'll get acquainted with those two.

GANG MEMBER #1: Well, I've been hearing that the guy in the ribcage shirt is immortal and will protect his lady friend at any cost.

GANG MEMBER #2: Well. That complicates matters. But no worries. They won't be so tough when they meet Mr. 9 Millimeter here.

GANG MEMBER #1: Are you referring to your-

GANG MEMBER #2: NO! I'm referring to my gun! Why would you even think that?

GANG MEMBER #1: Well, ever since I walked in on you and Evelyn-

GANG MEMBER #2: Just shut up and patrol the alleys. Let's split up, we'll get more done that way.

GANG MEMBER #1: Alright.

The two go their separate ways.

THE PEDDLER: Wait, why am I hiding. I've got this buggy. I can fight back!

THE PEDDLER sneaks around the alley. He sees GANG MEMBER #1 and runs him over with his buggy. He shoots the buggy's machine guns at GANG MEMBER #1, killing him.

GANG MEMBER #2: You!

GANG MEMBER #2 attempts to shoot THE PEDDLER, but misses. THE PEDDLER attempts to shoot GANG MEMBER #2, and connects twice. The gang member is able to escape.

THE PEDDLER: Well, now at least I know how this works. Jeb is dead meat.

Meanwhile, at the Gasworks, GANG MEMBER #2 tells his experiences to JEB.

JEB: You mean he's ALIVE??? Why didn't you kill him?

GANG MEMBER #2: I tried. He must have developed superhuman strength and speed, because he blocked my gunshots like it was nothing.

JEB: This is disappointing to hear. And this guy in the ribcage shirt and his lady friend killing my competition only worsens this whole situation. I HATE PEDDLERS! I HATE THEM!!! Dave, your gun.

DAVE gives JEB his gun. JEB shoots DAVE dead.

JEB: Bob, get my stuff ready. It's time I finished what I started.

The end is near. ACT II, PART II coming soon...

[Metal Matt]

ACT II, PART II:

JEB: It's time to settle this once and for all.

BOB: What's the story with you and this Peddler anyway?

JEB: There is no story. Not anymore. He betrayed me a long time ago. It became more about him and his wannabe girlfriend than the crew. Now he must go down in flames.

BOB: Well, we should be doing something about this Metal Matt character. He's taking out the entire Experience Gang. They're down to only a few now.

JEB: Well, then it's obvious, isn't it?

BOB: What's obvious?

JEB: As soon as we finish off the Peddler, we go for Metal Matt, immortal or not. No one takes out the Experience Gang but me, and he'll pay the price.

Meanwhile, The PEDDLER is waiting for JEB to arrive.

THE PEDDLER: I'm waiting, Jeb. I know you wouldn't pass up a golden opportunity like this. Ah, here he is.

JEB arrives.

JEB: Alright, Bob. This is it. There's no way I'll pass up a golden opportunity like this. It's time to finish what we started. This peddler is going down. You patrol the curb, and I'll handle our special guest. After this, we can bury him by the cathedral. It's right there, so we won't have to waste too much time.

BOB goes by the cathedral. He runs into METAL MATT, who stabs him in the eye and tears out his guts and ribcage.

METAL MATT: Out of my way. I don't have time for people like you tonight.

METAL MATT goes to the cathedral to finish off the Experience Gang while JEB searches for the PEDDLER.

JEB: Where are ya? I know you're here.

Suddenly, JEB is shot in his shins by THE PEDDLER.

THE PEDDLER: Now how does it feel?

JEB: Karma. Righteous. You never disappoint, Peddler.

THE PEDDLER: Really.

JEB: But now, it's time to take your medicine.

JEB throws a knife at THE PEDDLER's face.

JEB: Don't run off. It's high time you stick around!

JEB stabs THE PEDDLER in the face once again.

JEB: Any last words, friend?

THE PEDDLER: No. The only thing I wish, is that...

THE PEDDLER stabs JEB in his private parts.

THE PEDDLER: ...I could kill you. And I will.

THE PEDDLER stabs JEB over and over again.

THE PEDDLER: That's much better. From now on, I will dedicate myself to protecting the people of Detroit.

The End.

So, that was pretty cool to write. I welcome all suggestions of course, and the next one could be another movie parody. If you have any suggestions for a movie parody or a Metal Universe story, feel free to let me know! Thanks for reading!

[Spanky]

Finally got the time to read this. Good job man, very entertaining.